An Interview with Deb Fiore
This article was first published on Coffee Times Substack
Hello people! We’re introducing another writer again! You guys may know Deb Fiore. She writes with the beautiful mission to help others through her life experience, especially as a trauma survivor and therapist. She writes beautifully and to me, it feels like she radiates some sort of really kind energy.
Hi Deb, welcome to Coffee Times. You are no stranger to Coffee Times and you publish regularly with us. Would you like to say something to our readers on Substack?
I would love to say hello to our readers on Substack and I want to add that I am still learning about Substack. It seems I missed the premiere of Substack while I was away on my hiatus and I am playing catch up here.
I would like to ask all our readers to check out my bio and my stories on Medium because they will tell our readers more about my writing journey. Eventually, I hope that my writing will become more familiar to Substack readers.
You share very vulnerable stories about being a trauma survivor and a trauma therapist. How do you personally decide when to filter and when to be vulnerable in your stories online?
What an insightful question! It can be tricky to be vulnerable without invading anyone’s privacy. I try to speak about my clients in general instead of naming them. I do the same with my family. There are issues that would not be appropriate to share for a variety of reasons. One example is a family member with a mental illness who lives nearby.
Dealing with the trauma of someone else’s along with your own is definitely not easy. How do you cope with both of these altogether, and how do you deal with compassion fatigue?
It’s a very slippery slope. I self-taught myself because I learned early on how to put up many different walls. Then I began my own personal therapy and learned other techniques.
I know several colleagues and we support one another whenever necessary. Also, I contact one of my previous supervisors, Lucy to have a session when necessary.
It’s helpful to identify my own emotional triggers and talk about them before they explode. With mental health, it’s always good to have a backup because it can become very messy and stressful.
What are some of the biggest challenges for you as you publish these stories online, and how do you overcome them?
One of the biggest challenges I faced was after I published my first few stories. I was so ambivalent about my emotions. I went back and forth in my mind wondering if writing about my family secrets was the right thing to do.
You can read about it in Part 2 of my story.
Conversely, what are some of the best things that have happened since you published them?
One of the best things has been the positive support and validation I received from my readers. The camaraderie is amazing.
When a reader comments, they are validating my writing. It means they hear me and it makes me feel proud. It’s a wonderful feeling. When a reader tells me my writing helps them discover they are not alone, it brings tears to my eyes. The most rewarding part is knowing that I am making a difference.
I think it’s absolutely beautiful the way you wrote about the type of writers you enjoy reading. How does one overcome the fear of sharing and being vulnerable online? Do you have any advice?
For myself, I had to be ready or the fear would have kept me paralyzed. I finally reached a point in my life when I wanted to stop looking in the rearview mirror with fear and anxiety.
My advice would simply be to go with your gut. When you are ready, you will share your story. That’s when you will realize that sharing your truth helps you to heal.
I think it’s cool that you adopt children and are passionate about special education. What do you think are things that more people should know and understand?
People need to understand that children are people, too. Some of our laws are so antiquated they still reflect children as property.
I loved my mission when I was a foster mom and I had already adopted my two boys. It gave me a chance to live both sides of the process. Sadly, it also demonstrated how much our system needs updating. One suggestion: there should be parenting classes in high school along with other life skills. Every parent needs a fresh start to help them discover different tools to help care for their child.
The same applies to the special education system in our country. It was not created to include all children. Our special education system ignores invisible illnesses such as mental health. We need to repair our system and help all children. Our children are important. Our children are our future.
I understand that you love both music and writing, and they have both helped you cope with your pain and trauma over the years. How impactful have they been, and how do they differ when it comes to helping with your healing and mental health?
Well, music is in the moment. You could call it a mood enhancer because almost any song can bring me back to a moment in time, either good or traumatic. Music was also my escape during my trauma.
You can read more about it in one of my earlier stories.
When I write, I step back a bit and attempt to be more detached. Like turning an object over in your hand and looking at it from all sides. Writing allows me to take my time and helps me observe different points of view.
I really love your mission as it comes through your writing. Have you ever had any moments that have made you really proud of the writer that you are?
So many moments, Ashley. The moments that make me proud are when my readers tell me how much my writing has helped them. Then I know they have hope again and I helped change the world, one reader at a time.
My mission includes reaching as many readers as possible. I want my readers to know that they are not alone. I want to inspire them and help them understand they do not have to be victims. I want them to believe they are good enough.
As I mentioned in my bio, “I want to shine a light in the darkness as a beacon of hope to help others.”
Her mission is just beautiful, and she has written many great touching works, along with heartfelt responses to the articles she reads. Do check out Deb Fiore here!
I’d love to send a big ‘thank you’ once again to Deb for taking the time to co-write, along with preparing the photo, especially for this interview with Coffee Times!
